Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Playing Hurt

OK, so I'm coming off a day that's been downright rotten. I won't tell you what happened, because I think it would just be too horrifying to most of you, but suffice it to say, today was not a good day for Brennan. Consequently, some days, it's just hard to believe.

I think about what Job must have felt like when he first lost all of his possessions and then, one-by-one, lost all of his kids. Did Job ever wonder if it could get any worse? Did he wonder if there would ever be peace and happiness -- the good life -- again? Did Job ever wonder if God really would uphold His promise that He won't give us more than we can handle? Did Job ever wonder why he learned to handle so much? I can tell you, on days like today, that I wonder. I can tell you that it was painful putting my girls to bed tonight, wishing I could do something, say something...something...but there were no words -- just hugs.

I can also tell you, despite all my doubts above, I have never doubted that God loves me and my family, that He's faithful, and that good will come of this...eventually...hopefully sooner rather than later (insert weak, hopeful smile here).

Tonight, I went to Praise Team rehearsal because that's what I do on Wednesday...and because it's my turn to sing this Sunday. I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to sing. I just wanted to stare off into space. But I went because that's what I'm supposed to do -- because sometimes you have to play even when you're hurt. Fortunately, we're like a very close family. Several people noticed I wasn't my normal bubbly self and asked how things were going. When I told them a bit of what happened, they just listened (unlike Job's friends, who not only offered advice, they offered bad advice!), then asked what they could do. They didn't know it, but they had already done one of the things I needed most -- wrapped me up in care and concern. (Isn't it amazing how God provides?) I also asked them to continue praying. We will beat this. God has a plan, and He's in control. There will still be hard days, but we will beat this!

I apologize these last two posts haven't been as encouraging as others, but I'd be lying to you if I said that I was happy all the time. After all, this is real life, and sometimes life is really tough...and it takes a little while to lick your wounds and get back on top...but I will. After all, tomorrow is another day...


  1. no comment - just thinking about you guys still today.

  2. Hey, Tim,
    I am so sorry you guys are going through everything you are. I don't know if it helps to know that Don and I have had periods of time when we didn't know how to cope with a serious problem as parents. I remember one time, when our oldest was a teenager, being in my room literally pounding my head against a wall and asking Don, "Why did we think we could do this?" The answer was, we can't do it alone, and sometimes there is nothing we can do but pray. Other times, it seems like the harder you look for answers, the harder they are to find. Sometimes there are no answers. But God knows. And you guys are good parents. I have comforted myself with the realization that God loves my kids more than I do. And He really knows what is going on. When you do everything you know how to do and you pray...and you keep trying day after day....God sees, and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. I am going to pray that He gives you guys some answers.

  3. I love you and your family so much. Your in my prayers daily (no joke). See you next Wednesday.