Playing Hurt

OK, so I'm coming off a day that's been downright rotten. I won't tell you what happened, because I think it would just be too horrifying to most of you, but suffice it to say, today was not a good day for Brennan. Consequently, some days, it's just hard to believe.

I think about what Job must have felt like when he first lost all of his possessions and then, one-by-one, lost all of his kids. Did Job ever wonder if it could get any worse? Did he wonder if there would ever be peace and happiness -- the good life -- again? Did Job ever wonder if God really would uphold His promise that He won't give us more than we can handle? Did Job ever wonder why he learned to handle so much? I can tell you, on days like today, that I wonder. I can tell you that it was painful putting my girls to bed tonight, wishing I could do something, say something...something...but there were no words -- just hugs.

I can also tell you, despite all my doubts above, I have never doubted that God loves me and my family, that He's faithful, and that good will come of this...eventually...hopefully sooner rather than later (insert weak, hopeful smile here).

Tonight, I went to Praise Team rehearsal because that's what I do on Wednesday...and because it's my turn to sing this Sunday. I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to sing. I just wanted to stare off into space. But I went because that's what I'm supposed to do -- because sometimes you have to play even when you're hurt. Fortunately, we're like a very close family. Several people noticed I wasn't my normal bubbly self and asked how things were going. When I told them a bit of what happened, they just listened (unlike Job's friends, who not only offered advice, they offered bad advice!), then asked what they could do. They didn't know it, but they had already done one of the things I needed most -- wrapped me up in care and concern. (Isn't it amazing how God provides?) I also asked them to continue praying. We will beat this. God has a plan, and He's in control. There will still be hard days, but we will beat this!

I apologize these last two posts haven't been as encouraging as others, but I'd be lying to you if I said that I was happy all the time. After all, this is real life, and sometimes life is really tough...and it takes a little while to lick your wounds and get back on top...but I will. After all, tomorrow is another day...