Fearless...Really?

I went to the ZOE Worship Ministry conference this weekend. The topic was “Fearless”. We all have things in our life to worry about…but we have a choice: We can either let the worry of “what if” consume us, or we can cast off our fears, knowing that no matter what happens – even if it’s “the worst” – God will take care of us…And, imagine what life would be like if we lived “fearlessly”.

Jeff Walling, one of the speakers, made a great point that when problems come up, we tend to worry too much about what’s going to happen and how we’re going to “fix it” rather than running to the very One that’s able to help us and comfort us. Ouch! Ten points for a hit between the eyes! There was also a skit, where people came out individually, holding cardboard placards. On one side it had their fear; on the other side, it had the answer to that fear. One said, “Afraid of the water”…”Learned to swim at age 30!”. Another said, “Afraid of being imperfect”…”Accepting God’s grace that makes me perfect”. Still another said, “Afraid my son will fall back into drugs”…”3 years sober, and counting!” So, I thought, wow! If these people can cast out their fears, then maybe I can, too. I don’t have to worry about Brennan’s seizures and bipolar issues. God will provide an answer if I just trust. I don’t have to worry about Lauren not walking/jumping/playing like a normal 2-year-old, because God has a plan. I can do this! So after a weekend of amazing praise and worship and being convicted to “Fear not!”, I was reinvigorated to hit the ground running!

A mere 12 hours later, I got my first test, and it was a big one: Cristi called when I was driving home from Nashville and said that Lauren had fallen down and broken her left arm. Mind you, she had already broken her right arm…twice…THIS SUMMER…and still had a cast on it!! After I hung up the phone, I cried out loud. I shouted to God “Why???”, “Make it stop!!!”, and other cries of desperation. I hurt. Why does this have to continue? Why isn’t the pain of the daily grind of parenting two kids with health issues enough of a burden? Why must I be given more? Why must I be hit again when I just got back on my feet? But I also cried out, “I won’t quit!” and “I won’t deny God!” Yet another 12 hours later, as I write this, as Cristi and I are again separated (she’s in Philadelphia with Lauren to get the arm set with sedation), I still hurt. This time the shrapnel cut a little deeper. But I still believe that this, too, shall pass…and, gradually, the pain subsides, because I believe the promise that “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”